The next day, we were bang on it. I was heading up the Empire State Building and had to get there early. Stef, not liking heights, decided not to go. Which is a good job as it’s the second tallest building in NYC and it is open at the top. To get to the top of the building, you had three queues to get through. You could buy a fast pass to get to the front of each queue, but it was too expensive and us Brits love a good queue anyway. While I was doing this, Stef had been trusted with the credit card and we arranged to meet up a few hours later. I guess I wasn’t thinking right at the time, as I was too excited to go up the Empire State Building.
The first queue was to get past the security. As I entered the queue, there was an English family there. The dad wanted everyone to know that he had a fast pass. Shouting out that he had the pass and how great it was going to be. It was like he was the only one to have one. He shouted out to the guard that he had a pass and was allowed into another line. Anyway, the line continued and as it was just me and because of my expert queue picking, I got to the metal detectors the same time as he did. He wasn’t the only one with the pass and still had to queue up with the rest of the fast passers! He looked over to me and I gave a cheeky little “hello” nod. He knew I was just behind earlier and it must have got him a little angry.
The next queue was for tickets. Having bought them online, I didn’t need to queue up – I just walked with the fast pass family. As we got to the last queue, I gave another little nod. Oooh how the rage must have been building up in the dad. The last queue was for the elevators. As this queue led you around displays that explained the facts and figures of the building, the majority of people had stopped to read them. Now I was in a personal battle with the dad to get to the front. I just walked past the people and made it to the front of the queue. Jackpot. I had made it. You can shove your expensive fast pass where the sun doesn’t shine. Muhahaha.
We all got in the lift and it took us to the 86th floor where the viewing deck was. As I’d paid extra to go to the very top, the 102nd floor, I joined the queue of about 5 to get there. As I was waiting, a group of Italian’s stood behind me. Right behind me, was this midget woman. She insisted on standing really close behind me. So close that she would bash my camera that was hanging on it’s strap from my shoulder. A good few times she did this. Each time, annoying me a little more. Until she did it again. I was going to say something but I bottled it. Instead, I thought to myself, if her head likes my camera so much, why not assist? I then started twisting my body as if to look around at the building. Each time I moved, the camera would hit her on the head. It’s not a light camera and I wasn’t moving slow. I counted four hits before she moved out of its reach.
I really shouldn’t be left alone whilst in social situations.
Up at the 102nd floor, you could see for miles. The view was fantastic, however, it was behind Perspex. A little disappointed, I headed back to the observation deck and took as many photos as I could.
Back on the ground, I still had time to kill before meeting Stef. I went to B&H, which is one of the biggest photography stores in the world. As I walked through the doors, I was glad I only took $100 cash with me. I spent every last penny I had and could have easily bankrupted us if I had the plastic! It turned out that I actually spent more than Stef did! Oops.
After we met up, we visited Grand Central Station and had some well deserved lunch. In just these two days, it felt like we’d walked more than the previous 3 months put together!
There were two more things we had planned for the day. The first being slightly weird but interesting.
It was the Museum of Sex!
As we walked up the stairs to get into the museum (the ground floor was a gift shop with a difference – you can imagine the types of goods they sold), you were presented with a projected film on the wall. I can’t really go into detail or show the photo, but it was of Linda Lovelace in her debut role in an adult film called “Deep Throat”. I did however; send the photo I took of the wall to my mate Sykesy back home. He replied within seconds, not only with the actresses name and the title of the film but also the year it was made. I don’t know whether to be impressed or worried. The floor was dedicated to her with loads of things to read about her, but it was so distracting with the film playing in the background!
The next floor was more hands on. First up was a mirror maze. Having been to one in the Mall of America, we didn’t think it could be that hard. However, this time, it was pitch black. It was scary and very difficult to find our way out. Being about sex, I thought that I was going to get groped by someone – but Stef kept her hands to herself. At the end of the maze we were presented with a very large model of a certain lady part which some say is difficult to find. But we found it with ease. Professionals.
It wouldn’t be a sex museum without getting a bit hot and sweaty. It was an adult bouncy castle. As we entered via a very tight hole, it was a bouncy castle with big inflatable boobs everywhere. It was something else and I have never even seen anything like this let alone experienced.
Last but not least was a climbing wall…with a difference – it was called “Grope Mountain”. You had to make your way from one end to another using only the boobs, penises and bottoms that were extruding from the wall. I fell off within seconds. Stef on the other hand, had a really good grip on the penises and made it to the end.
The second to last room was full of animal sex facts. I didn’t know there were such things as gay dolphins. But there are. And there where photos of them having blowhole sex. No lie. They also had a story about a homosexual necrophiliac duck. I walked away from this room knowing a lot more than when I entered but not knowing whether or not it was actually knowledge I needed in life. We can only wait and see.
The last room had various displays that were very twisted, such as a Disney painting with well-known characters such as Snow White and Mickey Mouse performing various sexual acts on others. Two of the main attractions in the room were the bicycle powered dildo and the woman’s urinal. Very fascinating.
The museum came to an end, and feeling a bit disturbed; we headed to see our first Broadway show. It was called Avenue Q. It’s pretty much Sesame Street but with adult content. They did have puppets, but the puppeteers were on stage as well. This made it even funnier as they were also giving the facial expressions.
With songs such as “Everyone is a Little Bit Racist” and “The Internet is for Porn” we were cracking up the whole night.